I've not posted in a long time because I've been trying to figure some things out all my own and not much in the mood for making those thoughts public. Now, things have somewhat worked around to an equilibrium again.
Quick sum-uption: Mr. Curls lost his job in May and has been working hard to find another one since. Thanks to the tough economy, he's mostly had no luck. The situation has made me question our relationship - not because I'm enamored with money for its own sake, but because having some financial stability is way important to me and this is yet another hiccup in his employment history. Now, the last-ditch job option is taking a job with a trucking company. Yep, that's right, Mr. Curls is about to become a trucker. It's oh-so-glamorous, but the $ is serious enough that it'd be a big step for him to get some stability and save up enough within a year to do things like hire a lawyer to deal with his ex(es) situation and get that sorted out. Also, it would give him enough capital that he could quit the trucking job and use his savings to begin what he truly wants to do by going into business for himself.
We've talked about it a lot and talked about what it would/could mean for him and for us and while I can't predict exactly how it'll go, especially since the work schedule would limit his days off to about 3-4 a month, we're going to do our best to keep our relationship strong.
In the past couple of weeks, with everything else that's been going on, some of the tension in each of us has eased and my re-thinking of the relationship has come down on the side of understanding and wanting to do my best to make this work. Amanda, not surprisingly, expresses her doubts. My pen-pal expresses hope. They're both right.
I don't know how it's all going to work out. I have to make a decision based on what I do know. When I'm with him, I feel happy and loved and like I don't want to be with anyone else. In light of everything he's going through right now, I know that he's got few choices and that if I were in his same position, I would probably make the same choices he has. I know that our relationship may not last through him being so far away so much. I know that I want to try.
One way or another, things are going to work out. I don't know how, exactly, and that may very well mean that things work out by me and him going our separate ways. But, we'll take it one little bit at a time and see where we end up.
