What's the Point of a Relationship? More Importantly, What's the Point of This One?

Gosh, the past few posts have primarily been all about bashing Mr. Curls. It's enough to make one wonder why I haven't drop-kicked him out the door already. I mean, heck, it almost seems like I don't even like him at all. It's not that I don't like him, it's just that I'm worried. The worry has made me do a lot of thinking about my relationship priorities. Lately, between seeing my friend get hitched, traveling both with and without him, and talking to different people who're in relationships, I've spent a lot of time thinking about the nature of relationships. I mean, seriously, why are people in them?

Aside from a regular sex partner and somebody to hang out with, what's the point of romantic relationships? The hardest part is that there's no one set answer. I feel like a kid who's stumped on a quiz question and frustrated because each of the multiple choice answers feels like it could be right, but I have to pick which one's the best answer. I feel cheated like someone who's asked a riddle then denied the answer. The worst part is knowing that, ultimately, no one has it. Knowing that everyone's got to figure it out for themselves.

So, I've been trying to figure out what the point of me being in a romantic relationship is. What the heck do I want to be in a relationship for? I support myself, so it's not that I'm looking for a sugar daddy. I have a wonderful group of lovely friends, so it's not that I'm just lonely. I'm a stubbornly independent person, so I don't need some other person to define who I am. I've got vibrators, so I can manage plenty of orgasms without help. I have a dog, so it's not like I'm just looking for someone to make me feel safe or wanted.

It's easy to figure out reasons why a relationship might be more trouble than it's worth. It's harder to figure out reasons why one would be worthwhile.

1. I want someone to hold me
2. I want that someone to be the same someone who understands who I am
3. I want to be someone's favorite someone
4. I want to have a person in my life who chooses to become my family
5. I want laughter. Lots of laughter
6. I want to have someone in my life whose hug can make a crappy day brighten
7. I want someone to cheer me on
8. I want inside jokes that only the two of us laugh at
9. I want to know someone's got my back
10. I want someone who, by being in my life, makes my life better
11. I want to have someone I know I can trust
12. I want to feel like having this person pick me over all others means I'm amazing and special
13. I want love
14. I want loyalty
15. I want a certain kind of fierceness
16. I want the sound of a heartbeat beneath my cheek
17. I want to be amazed at how this person was a stranger once because I can never imagine my life without knowing them
18. I want a little bit of silliness
19. I want chilly days snuggled up under blankets watching the rain fall on the other side of the window
20. I want to go somewhere and be able to point at things, saying, "Wow, how cool is that?" and know that the person I'm talking to will think it's cool too

These things that I want are all so many things that are about how I want to feel and how I want to be treated. These are things I have with Mr. Curls. Yes, his life is totally messy right now. Yes, that stresses me out. But, in the end, I think taking the time to give him time to sort at least a chunk of that mess out before I walk out the door is worth it. I know I'm asking for trouble if I try and build a life with a guy who's just going to crash and burn again, but maybe he just needs some time to go in a new direction. I worry about the mess, but look at all I stand to gain. Isn't that worth a little bit of time?