What Worries Me, Part Two

Last night, he talked to me about it because he was trying to figure out what to do and wanted to talk it through. I reiterated what I'd said last week about the talent showcase - a long shot at best, and not something I put a lot of faith in. But, he really wants to do it because showbiz is his dream and he's all idealistic and naive about what, exactly, that would mean. I could tell him it's hard, even with an agent, but he'd tell me he's done hard things before. He ran his own company for a while, even though everybody in the whole world (almost) told him it'd never work. I'm nice enough to point out that if that business had really, really worked, he'd still be doing it. Right? So, instead, I talked to him about my friend's wedding.

One of my most awesome friends is getting married in May and I'd invited Mr. Curls to come with me. The wedding is far enough away that we're looking at some travel expenses and a few nights' stay somewhere. It's not super expensive, but it works out to a couple hundred dollars we'd each be pitching in. I told him that since he was in a money crunch, it might be a good idea for me to go on the trip alone, like I'd been planning to since before he and I met. I've known this trip was coming for a long time and I have money saved for it. Also, if I go alone, it'll actually work out to be cheaper for me.

His response was, "I can't do that. I already promised I'd go. I hate to break commitments." Which leads us to the other part of the problem where he spreads himself too thinly and then has to scramble to make it all work. Like, with the boys. I'm way fond of the boys, so I absolutely don't mean anything bad about them with this next part. When the boys visit, Mr. Curls tends to overspend on them. When they want to go out for pizza, Mr. Curls takes them out for pizza. When they want to go to a movie, Mr. Curls takes them to a movie. It's pretty basic stuff, really, but it adds up. The first time I met the boys, we all played mini golf - there went $50 bucks for about an hour and half of entertainment. Mr. Curls wants to make sure the boys have fun. He wants to spend quality time with them. It's not that he's trying to buy their affection, truly, it's just that he has a hard time saying "no." The problem is, he's too broke for that to work.

When my brother and I were kids, my parents said "no" to us all the time. Not because they were mean, but because they were broke. Going out to a movie in the theater was an indulgence, going out to eat at a restaurant (even a fast food restaurant) was a rare occurrence. My parents simply could not afford it. My childhood, instead, was filled with things like board games, picnics, and lots of time goofing around outdoors. I was not a deprived child, and my parents put a premium on spending quality time with my brother and I. We were happy kids even though our parents didn't spend a whole lot of cash entertaining us.

And, I absolutely believe that the boys would be perfectly happy if Mr. Curls threw less money at them. He's their dad. They love him because they love him. Yeah, they might whine a bit about not going to Subway for lunch, but if it comes down to the difference between Mr. Curls paying his bills or taking the boys to Subway, it's pretty straight-forward math. But, he doesn't see it that way. He sees it as a question of "doing right by them" and of being a selfless parent. While I don't disagree with his motivations, I think he lacks balance in how he fulfills those expectations. I mean, heck, the other night when I brought over some games, the boys were totally into it. Playing Jenga is a whole lot cheaper than black light golf at the mall.

Now, my worry about the money situation comes from my own experience. Ever since I moved out on my own, my financial situation has been characterized by a lack of money. Being a student isn't cheap. Long story short, I get by on very little. Long story short, I know how to get by on very little. So, when I have concerns about his money situation, I'm not just talking out my ass or being judgmental. It's all based on the principle of I've been there and I know what it takes. I'm just not sure he does. He's got his eye fixed on where he wants to be, and I fear he's overlooking where he is.

With all of this together, I have some doubts about Mr. Curls' judgment. I fear he's too idealistic. Too much of a dreamer and not enough of a realist. He's going through a rough patch in his life right now, and while some of that is due to circumstances beyond his control, much of it is due to bad choices he made. The part that scares me is not knowing how much of this is just because of a few specific mistakes and how much of it is because he's got a pattern of getting ahead of himself and making bad calls.

A part of me really cares for him and seriously considers the idea of further entwining my life with his. A part of me is terrified that doing so would be a horrible mistake. I keep telling myself not to panic, that time will tell and I just have to be a little patient to see if this pattern I'm worried about really is present and, if so, how much Mr. Curls is willing/able to break it.