What Worries Me, Part One

Mr. Curls has a lot of good qualities. He's kind, he's honest, he's considerate of others, he makes me laugh, he's loyal... All of them are things that are important to me in a partner. Plus, I adore the curly hair, of course.

The thing is, while in a lot of ways he's had to mature quickly because of the proverbial school of hard knocks, in some ways he's still painfully naive. The more I learn about certain things, the more I doubt his judgment in certain areas.

For starters, we've got ex #2 and the part where he thought it was a perfectly good idea to marry someone he'd only known for five months. Then he defends the decision by saying she "seemed" like the right gal. Even overlooking the obvious red flags that popped up, like she was 20, living with (i.e. mooching off) her grandmother, a single mom who wasn't motivated to hold a job, and had never supported herself independently... getting married to someone you've only known for five months is a bad idea. We're talking about making a the-rest-of-your-life kind of commitment to someone before celebrating both of your birthdays (or Christmas, or whatever) with them. If you can't make it a year, how can you expect to make it the rest of your lives?

But, whatever, I figure everyone's allowed at least one big fuck up in their lives, right? What worries me most is two things:
1. His reluctance/inability to say "no" to people, even when he really should (see previous example).
2. Some of his habits, i.e. money management, are not as mature as he thinks they are.

The two kind of tie together, too. He tends to overrate his ability to take care of things, especially when it comes down to the difference between telling someone else no or making a sacrifice to tell them yes. Lemme give you the short version.

The past couple of years have been bad years for Mr. Curls. There was a divorce, a re-marriage, the break down of that marriage, and a bankruptcy in that time. It all added up to result in Mr. Curls currently working for a trash company and living on a shoestring budget. He's got a plan to get started in real estate (and since he's worked as an appraiser, I'm not as wary of this plan as I might be otherwise) which, among other things, will require a start up fund. The plan is to get started on this within 16 months. Me, hearing that, I assume he'd be working on building up a savings to go toward that start up. Um, as it turns out, not so much. He told me he might sell his Jeep to get the money (he'd still have the truck he inherited from his grandpa).

Last week, there was a "casting call" in town. One of Mr. Curls' dreams is acting, and he was jazzed to go. He was even more jazzed afterward 'cause he got picked to go to a showcase in June. Here's the part that makes me wary - my city isn't exactly Hollywood and out of thirty people who turned up, the scouting company picked ten. That's one third, not exactly super competitive. Also, it's a scouting agency, not an agent agency. They run a showcase in Saint Louis with an $800 registration fee. At this showcase, agents show up, look at the people who've been scouted, and decide if they want to work with them. This means paying $800, plus travel expenses, to have an agent decide whether or not they want to represent you. Then, if they do, it's a question of whether or not that agent can get you work. In this whole equation, I see a handful of red flags, but the bottom line is that it's a significant chunk of change and no guarantee.

Mr. Curls really wants to go, and I mean REALLY. He sees it as his break. The scout said nice things about him, and there are certainly nice things to be said about Mr. Curls. He's also thinking of a time a few years ago when he auditioned for a spot on a Sci-Fi Channel show and got a couple of call backs, "I was their fourth choice or so for the role, and that's something." He's all optimistic and thinking this could be his big chance and even if it doesn't work out, which at least he admits is a possibility, he's got the real estate plan to fall back on. Maybe I'm just a pessimist, but I think he's being naive. Yes, maybe this could be his moment, but I think that maybe is a pretty far shot. Meanwhile, he just spent a week not working because of his back injury and even though he's partly back this week, he's not back at his usual hours, i.e. little paycheck action going on right now.

Last night, he said, "I need to come up with $500 dollars in the next seven days to pay bills and put a deposit on the showcase." The deposit for the showcase is $300, which leaves him with $500 more to come up with before June. He talked about selling the Jeep this week to get the cash. That tells me he doesn't have anything in savings and he's willing to sell the Jeep quickly, i.e. cheaply, just to have the cash for a long-shot chance at showbiz.

But wait, there's more...