The roots of this adventure go back about five years. There was one day at the job I had then when my boss asked me to do a presentation. I tried to get out of it by telling him that the thought of doing it made me nervous and that I was intimidated. He grinned and said, "Then, that's exactly why you should do it." I did it, and survived, and that day has stuck with me. In many things I've embraced this idea and charged right up to the things that scare me so I could stare them in the face. It doesn't always work out, but at least I'm not left with the "what if" question.
Within a year or so of that day, I became involved with a guy who I thought would be the one I married. After all, we even got engaged. Then, that fell apart and all of a sudden that secure feeling I'd had for the past couple of years, that I'd gotten this relationship thing figured out, was gone. I was single again and my confidence in attracting and hanging on to a guy was at an all time low.
Even after I got over the break-up, I still was intimidated by dating (which has always been the case). This past April I decided it was time to go at it and I signed up on a dating website. I was proactive. I initiated contact with a number of guys, most of whom promptly fell off the face of the earth, and met one who wasn't at all interested in me as anything other than a friend, and then I broke my cardinal waitressing rule by actually going out a few times with a guy from the bar, which also didn't work out.
The dating thing got me down. I know I'm smart, funny, talented, loyal, etc. I know I'm good girlfriend material. On the personality level, I'm confident about my appeal. I can objectively say that on the looks level I'm cute enough. The part where it falls apart is the part where I'm confident enough in my femininity to attract a guy not platonically, but romantically. There we fall into no-confidence land. Wiles, I have none.
Enter my new coworker and friend, Amanda. Her last job was for a women's magazine, which means she hails from the land of all things pink and girly. She is the yin to my yang. On Friday, I girded my loins, closed the door to the office we share, and told her that I would like some help getting in touch with my girly side. She got excited.
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