This weekend I'm tense and panicked and feeling rather like I felt just before my first date with Army Guy. It's not quite abject terror, but it's kind of close.
In the past week or so I've been making moves to change things up. I put my name in to join a campus committee which could help me get a lecturer position if/when one opens up. The result of this is that I had to submit my CV to the current committee and I'll be having a formal interview on Thursday. Tomorrow is the CV deadline, but I had to do it today because I have other commitments tomorrow. As of a few minutes ago, the CV is off to committee Inboxes.
Also whizzing in cyberspace is a couple of e-mails I sent to friends/colleagues asking for letters of recommendation for this other academic program I'm applying for - a professional development shin dig that happens in the summer. My application for that is due November 13.
Last week, I put in an application for a couple of jobs. One, a seasonal gig, has set me up with a web cam interview later today.
Last week, I submitted a couple of short stories to a couple of magazines.
There it is: bam, bam, bam. I'm putting myself out there. I'm being judged. Of all of this, I've gotten one response so far, a magazine that rejected my story. Rejection sucks, and I've just lined myself up for a lot of it. All I can think of today is that I want to forget it all, pretend none of it exists.
Forefront in my mind is a conversation I had with Amanda a long time ago, about being in a rut, about needing a change. Change can be good. It can also be terrifying, especially when that change relies on someone else. Will any of them like me? Will all of them reject me? Why can't I just hide under my covers?
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