Dating On the Interweb

A couple weeks ago, I made my online dating account. I showed it to Amanda. She read what I'd written on my profile and, had she been drinking something, it surely would have come out her nose with the violence of her reaction.

Amanda: That's horrible! Not sexy at all.
Me: Um, well, I'm bad at this. That's why you're going to help me.
Amanda: Thank God for that.
Then she turned to me and looked at me hard for a moment.
Amanda: You've got to do better than that. And, you need better photos. When a guy first looks at your profile, you want his penis to do this, (she pointed out her finger and slowly pointed it toward the ceiling). Right now, (she shook her head and curled her finger toward the floor). Get the penis first, and the man will follow.
Me: Okay, fine. But how do I do that?
Amanda: You've got to get a better photo and then you've got to write a bio that shows how charming you can be.
Me: Since when am I charming?
Amanda: You are charming. It's just a charm that you can't always see right at first. But you can be very charming. You're smart, and you're funny, and, let's face it, guys are going to like the fact that you like guy things like action movies and shit.

Under Amanda's tutelage, I reworked my profile and then unveiled the finished product. She was infinitely more pleased.

Now, I like to be realistic about these kinds of things, so I wasn't expecting to suddenly meet the man of my dreams. But, I figured I could get some dates out of it, right?

Three weeks and counting: no dates. The website is set up to be more guiding in showing you matches (vs. a free-for-all browsing kind of thing) and now it's running out of local guys to match me up with. I've "shown interest" in a number of guys, and have tended to err on the side of being generous with who I'm interested in because I'm not sure what I'm looking for yet and I'm going with Amanda's analogy of shoes - you can't be sure of the fit until you try them on (it's all about trying them on right now). So, on my active matches list, I've got 34 guys. No dates. It's depressing.

This whole decision to actively pursue dating has been proving a real ego crusher. I'm not asking for a marriage proposal, after all. I just want a date. Is that so much to ask?