The First Date

In a weird kind of reversal, my nervousness actually lightened up as it got closer to the time of the date. It didn't leave me completely, but once I was in the car and driving, I relaxed a bit. I had a job, I had something to focus on, even if it was just driving. Then I had to find the restaurant, which was another thing to focus on.

The nerves came back once I spotted the place. One door down I had that momentary thought of stopping, turning around, and running. Instead, I went through the front door and up to the hostess.

Me: Hi. I'm meeting someone and I'm hoping you can help me find him.
She smiled. From my waitressing experience, I could guess pretty easily what that smile said - she knew this was a first date/first meeting scenario and she was entertained.
Me: His name is Army Guy.
Her: And you're The Girl?
Me: That'd be me.
She smiled again and lead me back to him.

Army Guy was as-advertised in his portfolio. Good looking, smart, and confident. Best of all, he could hold up his end of a conversation and make me laugh. I like the assertiveness and the fact that he has a good idea of who he is - which I've discovered rarer than I would've thought. At the end of the night (about three-and-a-half hours later) he walked me to my car and I invited him to a work party I'm going to tonight. I added that I'd understand if he wasn't too keen to be tossed into the midst of a pack of strangers.

Me: So, would you like to come?
Him: That depends.
Me: On what?
Him: Do I get a goodnight kiss?
Me: I think that can be arranged.

He hasn't said for sure yet, I'm thinking it's about 50/50 and he's supposed to call me today. I'd really like to get Amanda's take on him. Without over-analyzing it too much, I'm not completely sure of my reaction to him yet. On one hand, I think he's a nice guy and I like him, and on the other, I realize that I've gotten very comfortable being single. Is Army Guy the one to shake me out of my rut? Not sure yet, but I'd like to find out.

Girly Field Test

Tonight's the night of the date. Yesterday I was incredibly anxious about it. The last date I went on was in July of last year and I already knew the guy. I'm out of practice and seeing Army Guy in person for the first time. So, yesterday, I was actually dreading the date. I kept thinking about how I'll go and he won't like me and it'll all be a waste, etc. etc.

I called Amanda, because if anything is a distraction from my own woes, Amanda is. We talked for just over an hour and, among other things, she reassured me. It is one of the most wonderful things in the world to have a cheerleader who'll tell you how incredible you are and how you're a great catch and all that jazz. The pep talk did me wonders. The pacing probably helped, too. Gotta get out that nervous energy, right?

Riding on the pep talk, I've been pretty calm all day. Until my last phone conversation with Amanda.

Amanda: Are you excited about tonight? Nervous?
Me: Definitely nervous, especially now that you're reminding me about it.

That was at about 4:30. 5:00 was time to hop in the shower and begin the getting ready process. I'm taking a break now while my curlers are in to update the blog and try and distract myself from watching the clock. The nervousness is back in full force and my stomach's doing the mambo. It's much too early for that nonsense, but it refuses to settle down.

I keep trying to remind myself that this whole scary business is necessary and that going outside of your comfort zone is a good thing. I've hit a groove in my life and it's been a while since I've been so nervous about something. It's a good thing, I keep telling myself. There's no way of knowing if Army Guy and I will hit it off unless I go on the date, right? No way of knowing if he's the future Mr. Girl unless I actually meet him.

Blah, blah, blah. How can it only be 5:45? Ugh.

The Problem With the New Guy at Work

The work study that Amanda and I split is going to be taken over by the new guy for summer (Amanda's moving, and I'll be done with my thesis, so neither of us will be able to continue doing the work study). He's come in the office a couple times for a bit of training, and Amanda's been having a bit of a hard time with him. It's not for any reason you're probably thinking, rather it's because New Guy is very, very much like me: quiet. He's not super outgoing, though he's plenty personable, and it's hard on Amanda. Amanda's perspective on socialization is strongly focused on conversation - people talk to you because they like you, and if they don't talk, they don't like you.

Recently, Amanda told me that for the first month or so that we worked together, she thought I disliked her.

Amanda: I would come in the office and talk and talk and you'd just nod. Then when I stopped, you'd say, "And this is what we need to do today." It was awful.

For me, I just thought she wanted someone to listen. So, I listened. I was being nice. But, she wanted me to talk too. I know this now, but didn't realize it then, so while I was trying to be nice, she thought I hated her. Funny ol' world, isn't it?

Enter New Guy.
Amanda: I don't think he likes me at all. *sigh*
Me: That's not true. He's just a quiet dude. Just think of him as the male version of me.
Amanda: But I want him to be like you are with me now. Not like you were when we first met.

Of course, me and New Guy get along just fine. I understand if he's not all that chatty. This irritates Amanda to no end.

First Date

Army Guy is going to take me to a fancy steak house on Friday night. When I told Amanda the name of the place (which is in the nearby city where AG lives) she made high pitched sounds.

Amanda: Oh, he really likes you. That's the place my husband takes me for our anniversary and there's no way two people can have dinner there for less than a hundred bucks.

Talk about intimidating. When AG brought up the first date scenario, I was imagining something taking place in a coffee shop. But this? I certainly wasn't thinking this. My ex didn't ever shell out $100 for a dinner, much less our first. I'm a low maintenance girl. AG really wants to impress me. If only he knew how cheap a date I really can be. But, it'll be a good experience for me. Intimidating, but good.

Of course, it also means this date is going to require much more planning than I had planned. Amanda and I are going to be having a summit regarding what I'll be wearing. I have strict instructions to pick out three possible outfits to decide between. This is going to be a big production, it seems. There may even be shopping involved.

Not Wasting Time

Army Guy is very direct. In the first thing he wrote to me, he said he was looking forward to meeting me in person. A few e-mails later, and we're arranging a first date.

Amanda: Wow, he really likes you! Or, he really wants to get into your pants.

Granted, he's an army guy. I tend to assume single military guys are tired of hanging around almost all guys all the time and eager to get into anybody's pants. That sounds cynical, but I can't think of any other way to put it. (My brother's in the military. The logistics are simple - he doesn't meet many girls. It's no accident my brother's girlfriend is also in the military.)

In any event, Army Guy is pretty forward, which I like. But, it does make me a little nervous. I'm not used to such clear attraction from anyone who isn't drunk (ah, the joys of waitressing). The last time I had a guy so clearly pursuing me was when I met my first boyfriend as a freshman in high school. He turned out to be a manipulative cheater. It ended badly. With these associations, I mentioned the oddness of him being so forward.

Amanda: But, that's what you need. A guy who is going to pursue you. It's good for you. It's what you want. You said so yourself.

Yeah, it's what I want. I want to be worth the effort of pursuit. I'm just nervous to trust actually getting it.

Army Guy

After some false starts, it seems as if the dating website might actually pay off a little for me. I was found by a young army officer who is self-assured, smart, and likes to travel. As an added bonus, he's read not only Terry Pratchett, but also Neil Gaiman. That's at least ten extra points in my book.

So far, I'm liking this guy. I'm looking at my list of characteristics for my ideal guy, and I'm looking at what I know about this one so far. There's a lot of matching up. I'd be lying if I said it didn't freak me out. Part of me really likes him. Part of me is braced, waiting for the crazy to happen. I know it's cynical, but I can't shake the feeling that it's suddenly happened too easily.

He's very direct and already wants to meet. I'm game, so it might happen as soon as next Sunday. We'll see how that goes.

Amanda is totally thrilled that he's so forward and that I like him. She's already developed a full-blown scenario where I marry Army Guy and he gets stationed in the state she's moving to so she and I can hang out.

The Going-Away Party

I mentioned in a previous post that Amanda is moving. Her husband moved out to the new place first, and some of his coworkers had a going away party for him. Amanda was excited for me to come because her husband works with some young single guys. So, I was ordered to come with my hair done, eyelashes curled, and in something cute.

I arrived at the party, being held in a bar, and met a few of the young single guys, including one who was quite attractive, but ultimately boring. It was an interesting night. Educational as well.

On account of the being dolled up, I got some attention. Once I moved to another table to talk to other people, Attractive Dude kept glancing over at me, which was flattering. Another guy, who was nice enough, but a hardcore stoner (which is on my short list of deal-breakers), was also keen.

Amanda: I've never seen Stoner move in on a girl that fast. Wow.

It was good for the ego, getting eyeballed. But, I'm looking for a guy I can actually talk to, not just one who likes boobs, (in the grand scheme of man-catching, they're my best physical asset). So, despite my and Amanda's best attempts at getting me chummy with a young single guy, nothing really happened. The young single crowd was primarily interested in booze, and they soon left the bar so they could do some barhopping, while I stayed at the actual party and had two drinks the whole night because I just don't share that fascination with alcohol.

No, I didn't end up hitting it off with the single guys. Instead, I spent a great deal of time having fun conversations with two of the older married guys in attendance, and got along best with the married guy who's twenty years older than me. The married guys were funny, smarter, and more interesting than the singles - which really stand to reason, since married guys are generally more confident and have a different set of priorities on account of them being, well, married.

But, now I know what kind of guy I need. I need to find a single guy who's in his mid-to-late twenties, but thinks like he's in his mid-forties and already married. Because, time and again, not only in this situation, but plenty of others, those are the guys I get along best with.

Dating On the Interweb

A couple weeks ago, I made my online dating account. I showed it to Amanda. She read what I'd written on my profile and, had she been drinking something, it surely would have come out her nose with the violence of her reaction.

Amanda: That's horrible! Not sexy at all.
Me: Um, well, I'm bad at this. That's why you're going to help me.
Amanda: Thank God for that.
Then she turned to me and looked at me hard for a moment.
Amanda: You've got to do better than that. And, you need better photos. When a guy first looks at your profile, you want his penis to do this, (she pointed out her finger and slowly pointed it toward the ceiling). Right now, (she shook her head and curled her finger toward the floor). Get the penis first, and the man will follow.
Me: Okay, fine. But how do I do that?
Amanda: You've got to get a better photo and then you've got to write a bio that shows how charming you can be.
Me: Since when am I charming?
Amanda: You are charming. It's just a charm that you can't always see right at first. But you can be very charming. You're smart, and you're funny, and, let's face it, guys are going to like the fact that you like guy things like action movies and shit.

Under Amanda's tutelage, I reworked my profile and then unveiled the finished product. She was infinitely more pleased.

Now, I like to be realistic about these kinds of things, so I wasn't expecting to suddenly meet the man of my dreams. But, I figured I could get some dates out of it, right?

Three weeks and counting: no dates. The website is set up to be more guiding in showing you matches (vs. a free-for-all browsing kind of thing) and now it's running out of local guys to match me up with. I've "shown interest" in a number of guys, and have tended to err on the side of being generous with who I'm interested in because I'm not sure what I'm looking for yet and I'm going with Amanda's analogy of shoes - you can't be sure of the fit until you try them on (it's all about trying them on right now). So, on my active matches list, I've got 34 guys. No dates. It's depressing.

This whole decision to actively pursue dating has been proving a real ego crusher. I'm not asking for a marriage proposal, after all. I just want a date. Is that so much to ask?

Amanda Abandonment and Other News

Between working on my thesis, teaching three classes, and other various adventures, updating this blog has gotten away from me.

To catch up:

Sad news on the Amanda front - her husband was relocated for his job and she's moving to another state in June. I'm not happy about her ditching me, but it's certainly not as if I have a lot of say in the matter. She's having adventures of her own right now because she is madly dashing to complete her thesis, her husband is already in the new place and, to save money, she's moved in with her parents. She is, to say the least, very stressed these days.

On the girly front - I've got a hair dryer now (courtesy of Amanda weeding through her things to get ready to move) and bought a set of velcro curlers. I do my hair these days. Amanda is very proud. I also wear eyeshadow almost every day. Despite not being a fan of makeup, I find I like eyeshadow. I think it's because of the same reason I like my jewelry - it's all about adding a bit of color, and color is fun.

And, lastly, on the romantic front - I'm keeping a secret from Amanda on this one, because she'd be horrified if she knew. Frustrated with the situation with The Guy (i.e. sometimes getting signals he's interested, sometimes getting signals he's not, and not knowing for sure which way it really went), I went the direct route. I asked him outright if he'd be interested in a date. He said, "Thanks, but no thanks." So, now I know and I'm glad I did it 'cause now I don't have that horrible uncertainty. Granted, rejection is never fun, but the closure was worth it.

With The Guy ruled out, I gave in to impulse and joined a dating site. I tried a free one about a year ago, with no useful results (a couple of e-mails with a funny, but ultimately reclusive, guy and a lunch with The Vegetarian, who ended up not being interested in me). This go 'round, I opted for a pay site with the thought in mind that it's slightly less public since there's the $ involved, and slightly more serious, for the same reason. I have a couple of sets of friends who had success with electronic romance, but so far, it's not going so swimmingly for me. But, I'll save details for their own post.

Thus, the highlights of my hiatus. All in all, the spinster plan is looking more and more appealing.