F*ing Arkansas

With respect to Amanda's privacy, I don't want to get detailed here, but she's having a really hard time right now. She's in a place she hates, far removed from people she cares about, in danger of losing her job because of budget cuts, and her marriage is rocky from a combination of recent and long-term issues. In a nutshell, everything is piling up against her and I hate that she's so far away that I can't even do something with her to try and cheer her up. It's hard to do lunch from 1,600 miles away.

I'm really worried about her right now. Especially after last night. Yesterday I was feeling sick and, after offering to go on a soup run, Mr. Curls came over to watch a movie with me. At a little after ten, my phone rang. Nobody calls me that late, and when I saw it was Amanda, I excused myself to answer because late phone calls never bode well.

"Hey," I said. "What's up?"
She made a noncommittal, unhappy sound. "What are you doing?"
"Watching a movie with Mr. Curls, but since you're calling late, I wanted to make sure to answer in case something's wrong. Are you okay?"
"Not really, but you're busy. Go watch your movie. We'll talk tomorrow."
"Are you sure? I'm worried about you."
"I'm sure. I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"Okay. We'll talk tomorrow."

When I went back to the living room, Mr. Curls looked up from the couch. "Is everything okay?"
"Not really." I told him a little about what Amanda's going through right now.
"If you need to call her back, I understand. I can go. It's no problem."
I considered it. If I hadn't been feeling so under the weather and tired, I probably would have taken him up on it. But, I wasn't going to be much use in the state I was in, and I wanted to wait and talk with her when I could be more awake.
"It's okay. I'm going to talk with her tomorrow, when I'm less out of it." I sighed. "I just hate being so far away from her right now. I feel so useless."
"You're not. It may not seem like much, but just hearing a friendly voice, talking with a positive person, can really help."

(Score another point for Mr. Curls in the "keeper" column. He understands. He's been there. I wonder who the person he called was. My ex was either disinterested in or, later on, negative about my friends. Mr. Curls' attitude about the people who are important to me is a complete 180. It's something I really appreciate about him.)

I called Amanda first thing after I woke up this morning since I know she gets up earlier than I do. She was already out and about it seems. I got voice mail. Damn it. Tired, sick, and loopy or not, I should have talked with her last night.

I wish life was easier for her right now. I wish her husband was treating her better. I wish she wasn't so far away. I wish there was more I could do. Fucking 1,600 miles.