Last night, I looked at Mr. Curls and watched him for a minute. "What are you thinking?" he asked.
"I'm thinking how strange you are."
He smiled. "How's that?"
Then I tried, as best I could, to articulate what I meant. I told him that it's so unfamiliar to me, what with my own issues, to get so close to someone so fast. That it's alien to me to have someone who hasn't even known me all that long be so intent on getting close to me. It's not to say that I haven't been working hard this past year or two on getting past keeping people at a distance, but it's still a relative scale - warm and friendly for me is still pretty reserved for most folks. So, it's weird.
"It's strange," he said. "We've been going kind of slow, but it feels like it's all happened so fast, too."
Throughout this whole thing, as I get more entangled with him and start to get used to the idea of thinking about him as the boyfriend, I keep feeling like this whole thing is surreal. Is he real? Is this really happening?
He isn't perfect, and I'm still getting used to the idea of his kids and exes, but I'm slowly becoming more convinced that he just might be exactly what I need. The thought scares the hell out of me. If I start to expect him to be there. If I start to rely on him, how long after until it all goes wrong?
This is the part where I have to have faith. This is the part where I believe that even though others have let me down in the past, he isn't them. This is when I remind myself that even though relationships end all of the time, sometimes they last, and sometimes they last for all the right reasons.
It's pessimistic to think I'm only setting myself up to get hurt. So, I go cautiously and I try to have faith. It's not something I'm good at, but then he does something, or says something, or even just looks at me a certain way, and it suddenly becomes a lot easier.
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