Holy mother load, Batman! We have baggage!
Mr. Curls cooked dinner for me tonight and it was sweet and adorable, even when he was running late because he got tied up at work and even when the lasagna came out runny. I made chocolate fondue for dessert and afterward, we cuddled on the couch. After a while, he said something along the lines of, "Where do you see this going?"
I thought about how to phrase it. "Well, I'd like to keep you around for a while."
"I would like that too. I would like that very much. And, if that's the case, then there are some things I should probably tell you."
The first thing he told me was that he's got two kids, ages 13 & 9. They live about an hour and a half away, with his ex-wife. Whew, talk about a lot to take in. He and the ex were married nearly eleven years, then things went downhill.
We talked about that a little. He was trying to gauge how freaked out I was, and I was trying to figure that out too. I told him, "I've never really dealt with this sort of thing before. It's complex, but not inherently bad. I'm okay with feeling it out as we go." Then I asked, "Is there anything else I should know?"
He hesitated. "After the divorce, I started dating again and met someone. We got married and it lasted about two months before she decided she'd rather be single."
"How long ago did you split up?"
"About a year and a half ago, I asked for a divorce."
"Is it finalized yet?"
"It took her a long time to sign the paperwork, so it's not finalized yet. But, we haven't been together for over a year."
I waited for him to spring more surprises, but it seems that's the whole shebang. Not that I want any more, mind you. Not in the least. That's more than enough for me to process. I mean, fuck, two kids, two ex-wives. That's plenty.
I'm still processing it, feeling it out. The 1st wife and kids is more than I expected, but not a wholly unexpected variety of baggage. The 2nd wife and the not-yet-finalized-divorce is the part that bothers me more. Though, and maybe it's stupid of me, I can't help but want to overlook the beat up suitcases in favor of how he's sweet and thoughtful and all kinds of other wonderful things that make me smile when I think about him.
It's complicated, but we both want to try to make this work. He asked if it'd be okay if he called me his girlfriend and I just did the official Facebook switch-over from "single" to "in a relationship." I mean, hell, I've always gotten along best with the married guys who had kids. Now it looks like I'll get my chance to date one. But, that 2nd divorce better get finalized damn quick. The sooner I can stop thinking about how he's still technically married, the better.
2 comments:
I want to say this in a friendly way--so please don't take this as advice. I've dated two "separated but not divorced" guys. One relationship ended because he got emotionally overwhelmed. The other ended because his wife found out about me and told him that she wanted to try again. Sad Catholic that he was, he went back to her.
I'm not saying that your guy will do either of these things. In fact, the feeling that I get from what you've written about him is that he won't. I'm glad he told you everything and if he really is almost divorced, then I think it's all good--or as good as dating someone with kids can be (that is, it can be great but will always have extra challenges).
I just want you to be extra circumspect. Have a great time, have fun, but until you know for sure where he's coming from, just be a little more cautious than you might be otherwise.
Good luck!
I hear ya. From what he's said about wife #2, and how he's said it, I think a reconciliation is very unlikely.
Still, there are the kids, and plenty of complicated all around. So, yeah, I'm optimistic, but cautiously so.
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