Lost Boys

My brother's future roommate arrived today and the two of them teamed up to look for a place to live. Talk about the blind leading the blind. I mean, seriously. These guys are not quite ready for the real world, even if they are lieutenants now. Scary thought, these two being in charge. Thank goodness they're here for pilot training and don't actually have any real authority yet.

They may have found a place, by sheer luck, I swear. But still, it's a good sized house for the two of them, and I think it'll work. Hallelujah!

Tonight, the boys are cooking dinner. I'm hiding in the hotel suite's bedroom because I'm too scared to watch.

Just think, in a few dayswhen I head home, these two lads will be entirely on their own. Oh my. All I can think of is this recent XKCD comic. It sums things up beautifully.

Close Quarters

I'm currently on my sixth night in close quarters with someone. This is probably the first time I've spent so much consecutive time without a space totally my own in... three years, at least. I'm holding up pretty well, but I've got to say I'm already looking forward to getting back to my own house with my dog, my space, and no other people.

Friday night-Monday morning = My brother's girlfriend crashing at my house in order to spend as much time with him as possible between his return from Europe and departure for Florida. I invited her to stay with me Friday night because I was feeling sympathetic to the whole young love thing, and because some uncomfortableness has developed between her and my parents. Short version - she's young (read: clingy) and my parents think she should give my brother more space. Come on, she's 20 and my brother is her first all the way grown up relationship, of course she's going to act a little silly. So, yeah, I invited her to stay with me Friday night and that snowballed into the whole weekend of having a 20-year shadow. She's a nice girl, but, that's a lot of time to spend entertaining her.

Monday morning - now = Driving with my brother to his new home in Florida. Gotta love my brother, but he's 22 and has never lived on his own before, and tends to let other people do planning for him. As the "responsible adult" during this trip, I've quickly developed a new appreciation for my parents' perspective. I've been remind myself many times that my job is to help drive, his job is to plan, and if he can't plan, then having that lack bite him in the ass is a better lesson than me being a nag. Though, I had a brief conversation with him tonight along the lines of "We get there tomorrow, and getting there is the easy part. Finding a place to live, etc. is where it gets hard. I suggest you start thinking ahead, or you'll regret it." Then I said I wouldn't bring it up again and I dropped the topic. It was enough of a nudge, though, it seems. He did some online research and made a few calls shortly thereafter.

You'd think that being 25 isn't much different from being 22, or 20, but I'm realizing how much difference just a couple of years of fending for oneself can make. Meahwhile, I'm taking time to appreciate what my experiences have taught me, and the wonderfulness of having a bathroom all to myself.

By the old carriage house

Here's another picture from downtown. I like the angles of it.

First Impressions of Radio Guy

I sat at the coffee shop with my laptop, one eye glancing out the glass door for a sign of Radio Guy. I recognized him as soon as I saw him walk through the far door. He walked up to the front counter, and I started turning my head toward him to say hello, but he re-traced his steps to behind a bookshelf. I think he was gathering his courage, maybe. A few moments later he came back around and walked over.

We had talked on the phone the night before and pretty much picked up the conversation where we'd left it. The inquisitiveness I mentioned in an earlier post was still going full force, and we talked about me more than him, which was still a little strange to me, but I fell into the rhythm of it. (Amanda thinks it's hilarious that so many ladies love being asked about themselves a ton, and I'm kind of disconcerted by the barrage of questions.)

I called it a night two hours later and called my friend Deb (aka my safety-backup for the date) to let her know I'd met him and he wasn't a raving psychotic. When I hung up, I had a new text message from, you guessed it, Radio Guy, about how he was stopped at a red light and wanted to let me know he'd really enjoyed meeting me.

So, first impressions of Radio Guy:
Definitely not Mr. Studly, but not bad looking
I make him nervous
I don't think he talks to girls much
A little clingy already
Not super confident, he kind of fakes it, but I can tell he's faking
He's smart
He's very curious about a lot of different things
He might be able to listen to me talk about myself more than I can
I pick up a bit of a passive-aggressive vibe, maybe

Overall, I drove home thinking I could like him. Then, there was a bit more clingy-ness (I left my phone in my car most of yesterday and when I checked it, there were 4 texts from him. I mean, seriously?) which is making me more skeptical. I lean toward benefit of the doubt, but the whole dynamic makes me feel like I'm the guy here, and he's the girl. It's weird.

Core

I wasn't looking forward to going to the gym today 'cause BB said we were going to go through my core workout. I wasn't thrilled, because I figured I knew what that meant. Of my workouts, my core is my least favorite :( The last thing I wanted was to make it harder.

We get through my first circuit (of three). I've been doing my core workout in a circuit, 'cause even though it's tougher that way, it's faster. In case you're wondering, this is my core workout:
15 back extensions
12-15 knee raises
12 incline sit ups
20 oblique crunches - 10 right, 10 left

I finish my oblique crunches and wait. I brace myself for him to say something that starts with "Now, on your next set I want you to..." and ends with some way of making my life more difficult. He doesn't say it. I do my second circuit. I wait, thinking of how I'm about to be adding weight to my back extensions, right? Nothing. I do my third circuit. Still nothing. Then I'm picking up my stuff and we're parting ways, and he still hasn't told me how he's going to make my workout harder. Nothing. Zip. Nada.

My core workout, for now, is staying exactly the same, and I find myself strangely disappointed. Humans are perverse creatures.

I Would Walk 500 Miles...

or, would I?

The website has coughed up another guy. So far, Museum Guy seems smart, maybe a bit nerdy, but he's a history nerd who volunteers at museums, which makes him all the more interesting. The potential problem is that he lives about 100 miles away. Now, I've heard the stories, just like you have, of people wooing each other from much greater distances than that, and, after that adrenaline-filled first meeting, carrying on and getting married. Enter the "happily ever after."

But, that's not the norm. It can't be. The pure logistics of long-distance dating are troublesome. Then again, we're talking 100 miles. It's a bit of a drive, sure, but it isn't the moon. Besides, there are two cities between here and there which would work for meet-in-the-middle type scenarios. I'm not saying it can't be done. Still, a two-ish hour drive isn't all that convenient. We like to think that love conquers all, but sometimes logistics wins the day.

At this point, the question is more a hypothetical one. Two e-mails does not true love make. I just can't help but wonder if there's a real chance that, assuming all else goes well, dating from 100 miles away is really feasible? We already know that my brother is about to answer this question when he moves to Florida and his girlfriend stays in Colorado. How much difference does it make whether the relationship started off long-distance or became that way? Hrm... Any thoughts?

Some Have It. Some Don't.

You know how some guys grow facial hair like gorillas? And how, for some, it takes a week to get a decent 5 o'clock shadow? My brother falls in that second category. During his European tour, he's trying to grow facial hair. I've seen the pictures on Facebook. It's hilarious.

This is why there's dog hair on my bed

This week I goofed off on the photo-taking front, and so, instead of my usual fare, I give you a portrait of my dog. Her name is Sherman (in honor of Sherman Alexie) and she's a pre-owned beastie I picked up from the pound. The white streak on her nose is only on that side. She's special that way.

Veered to the Left

Maybe it's just me, but I'm starting to get a slightly... off vibe with Radio Guy. The inquisitiveness, like anything else, works best in happy-medium land. At this point, we're veering away from flattering and into job-interview territory, with a bit of ADD splashed in for color. Maybe it's just me, or maybe he's nervous. I sometimes have a hard read on these things. But, when e-mails feel like essay exams, something's not quite right, right?

So, to preface, in a recent e-mail, he asked me what my thesis was about, which is a hard question for me to answer, but the short version = I wrote short stories that have some fantasy in them and touch on Native American folklore about animal totems and kind of plays with the idea. RG wanted to know if my thesis has an overall "lesson" in it. Lesson? It's fiction. It's stories, dude. And, with no further ado, I'm going to toss two e-mails at y'all.

First, my last message to him:

Radio Guy,
There's no specific overall point to my thesis. They're linked by common themes, and they're mostly about me playing around with those themes. I call them totems, but they don't follow with Native American beliefs very strictly. My interest in animals is almost more of a biologist's interest - I volunteered at a bird of prey rehabilitation center for a number of years and it left an impression on me. I love the way they're made, but I have a hard time with people anthropomorphizing animals.

The falcon totem tends to be about seeing things, keenness of vision. My attraction to a falcon as a symbol for the character is only partly based on that interpretation - I actually looked it up for my thesis after I'd written the fiction (I had to write a critical defense as part of my thesis, and ended up researching traditional falcon symbolism only after I'd already written about it). My interest in raptors fits well with classic symbolism, though, because the symbolism is based on their physiology - it's all about the eyes. I'm also fascinated by the ways raptors are built fundamentally different than humans, like the fact that they have fewer vertebrae than us so their necks can rotate further. It's cool.

Hrm... book recommendations... The first author that pops in my mind whenever someone says they like comedy is Terry Pratchett. He's one of my all-time favorite authors and he's very funny. Douglas Adams and Christopher Moore are also comical.

As far as being in your town goes, I have an errand to run sometime this coming week. I just haven't decided when I'm going to do it.
-Jean

Second, his response:

Do your classrooms usually have windows? For some reason I can’t get over how weird it is to constantly work in artificial light.

Judge Judy loses some entertainment value when you have no audio and have to read the subtitles…

You volunteered to work at a bird of prey rehabilitation center? What motivated you to do that? Were you thinking about becoming a biologist before getting into teaching?

So do you have an animal you view as your totem?

I didn’t know about Raptors’ spines. That is a pretty cool fact. I suppose it’s a wonder humans haven’t evolved into such efficient natural killing machine yet. Maybe it'll happen after somebody blows up the moon.

I don’t know who Pratchett is, but I’ve enjoyed the Christopher Moore books that I’ve read, which would be Lamb and The Stupidest Angel. Any recommendations for noncomical material? I’d just be looking for a good read.

Dang. That’s a lot of questions. I’m sorry but I have to ask one more.

What made you halt faith in the Catholic Church? I’m not really into religion either. When I was a kid in Sunday school, I kept asking my teacher how any of the stories could be real because they didn’t make logical sense.

I have to answer a phone call.

I don't know. Maybe something's strange here. Maybe I'm making it up. Do any of you get a vibe?

Making More Progress

BB went through my A workout with me yesterday. His favorite thing to do after I finish my first set is smile and hand me a heavier weight. Here I've been thinking I've been pushing myself - and, on my own, I've gone up on weight at least once with almost every exercise I've done - but, I've apparently been more of a wimp than I thought.

Among my increases, I went up from 8lb dumbbells to 10lb dumbbells on my flyes yesterday. Today my pecs are sore. And I know, if I were to tell BB that, he'd just smile and say, "Good."

Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition!

Wait. What I meant to say is that the website has kicked up a new guy. We're going to call him Radio guy 'cause his dream job is to do radio. First impression - I like the whole radio thing on account of the creativity, and I like a guy who's got a dream. He's smart, seems nice, and he seems promising.

Second impression - wow, that's a lot of questions. By his second e-mail, it's almost like a questionnaire. He's got lots of questions about me, which is kind of flattering 'cause it shows curiosity about me, but a bit overwhelming, too.

At this point, I'm still thinking he's all right, but the sheer quantity of questions entertains me. It also has me thinking of Monty Python



Which makes me think of Mel Brooks

My Man Brad

In the grand scheme, can't we say that people love us for our flaws, not despite them? Gotta love Brad Paisley.

Mr. Fixer-Upper

I was talking to M. and we were on the topic of finding a guy. It's a pretty common topic between us these days ;)

During the conversation, the idea of "project" guys came up. You know, when a girl finds a guy and thinks, "I don't really like him yet, but I can fix him." So, she starts dating a guy knowing she's only going to really like him when X is different, like once he stops smoking, or he gets a new job, or... whatever.

Me: I just don't get that. Me, I want to find a guy I like for who he is.

M. laughed at me and said I was naive. She says no guy is Mr. Right until you've done a bit of remodeling. There's no such thing as finding a guy you like as-is, the best you can hope for is finding one who just needs a new coat of paint versus one who needs a new roof.

Seems to me, that's still a problem. Yes, I appreciate that everybody's got their own unique flaws, and I'm not looking for Mr. Perfect. But, there's a difference between:
I like him, even though he's not perfect
and
If only he were more X, I'd like him
Maybe I'm over-simplifying, but if your guy's not good enough as-is, don't you owe it to yourself to find one who is? On the flip side, if you can't ever look at a guy without seeing what needs to be changed, are you really giving guys a chance? Either way, the home-improvement model of mate selection doesn't appeal to me.

F*ing Bikini

Somewhere between the laundry room downstairs and my bedroom upstairs, I've lost the bottom of my bikini. Where the hell has it gone? I've searched downstairs, I've searched up stairs, I've searched on the staircase, and I've taken everything off my closet shelf to check if it slid underneath something else. No dice. Ugh. I hate losing stuff like this.

One time when I was in high school I lost my wallet in my room for two years. Only found it when my parents put in new carpet and pulled out the book case - my wallet had been behind it all that time.

I know, because of physics (preservation of energy/mass) that the damn thing has to be somewhere. But where? F*ing bikini.

My Stationary, but Slimmer, Ex

My mom ran into my ex a couple days ago. She said he's still working at the same place (he's worked there since he was 16 and, when we were together, he hated it but refused to find a new job), which doesn't surprise me. She also said he's lost something like 50 pounds. During the time we were going out, he put on about 50 pounds, so I guess he's back to where he was when we first started dating. That part does surprise me. Maybe he moved out of his parents' house by now and has stopped stress eating - he and his parents did not get along, but he refused to move out (sense a pattern here?).

Anyhow, I'm not going to lie, part of me is happy that he's still at the same job, even if he got promoted, and part of me is disappointed that he's lost all that weight. But, it sounds like maybe he's in a better place in his life these days, so good for him.

Scarf on the Bridge

I thought it was pretty cool when I saw someone had left a scarf hanging from the bridge. I thought it was even cooler that they'd left a blue scarf on the red bridge on a day with a bright blue sky. Go complementary colors!

Putting Music In It

I'm playing around with Playlist, so we're trying out what it's like to add some music to blog posts. Here's some Elton.

Remodel

Check it out, I changed the look. Hope y'all like it.

Full Body B

BB went through my "B" workout with me today - i.e. he watched me do it and told me, "You're not working hard enough, use more weight," on a few of the exercises.

We chatted a bit during my rests.
BB: I'm doing summer classes so I can hurry up and get out of here.
Me: And then what?
BB: Start my career, get married, have kids.
He looked kind of self conscious when he said it.

Later, when we were scheduling next week's appointment, which was Thurs. like it is almost every week, he pointed to Tuesday.
BB: I'm not scheduling anything for Tuesday, see? It's my birthday.
Me: Oh yeah? How many will you be?
BB: Twenty-two.

Damn. I knew he was probably younger than I thought, since the odds were that he was an undergrad, but I didn't figure he was that young. I did the math in my head on my way out. Not only is he about the same age as my little brother, but BB is actually a couple months younger. Yeesh. He doesn't seem it.

F*ing Student Loans

I knew it was going to happen, I just wasn't thinking it would happen so soon. Got the letter in the mail that says, "Dude, it's time to pay back your student loans."

Here I am, in the midst of employment ambiguity and the people at Sallie Mae want money. Bastards. Thank George for the $ in my savings.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

After two months of going to the gym, it's having a noticeable effect on my body. My bathroom scale still hasn't really moved, but I'm getting toned. It's cool.

The other day I noticed that my biceps bulge a bit. My thighs are shaped a little different than they used to be. My calves are more defined. Parts of me have become tighter, firmer. The lines of me aren't what they were two months ago. I like the new lines better, but it's strange to think that the very shape of me is changing. The last time that happened was puberty.

MTV is Like a Train Wreck; I Don't Want to Look, But I Can't Not

In front of the cardio machines at the gym are TVs. I don't know who decides what channels to tune them to, but lately the one that isn't ESPN or SportsCenter, etc. has been tuned to MTV. (Note: I don't have cable). This means that, much to my amusement, I've been watching some of the most idiotic shows believable while I'm working out on the elliptical or cross-ramp machine. Case in point: Room Raiders 2.0

Holy shish-kababs, Batman, that show is bogglingly moronic. As a result, it is also unintentionally hilarious. Talk about a showcase of superficiality, boy. Ironic, too, as the whole point is that, since the "raider" in question can't see what the raidees look like, he/she has to pick one to date based on things other than appearance. Well, except, that one of the first things people snoop around in tends to be the closet and/or anything else that will give clues as to appearance.

The commentaries are morbidly fascinating. A guy finds sex toys in a girl's room and freaks out ("It was a gag gift from a friend!" the girl protests, "I've never used it!"). Girls find a condom in a guy's room and freak out. Guy finds hair dye, goes on a mini-rant about how he hates girls who dye their hair that color. Guy examines shoes, says he doesn't want to date a bigfoot (instead, he prefers gals with shoe size no bigger than 6). Girl finds porn on guy's computer, is horrified. And, on it goes. Living proof that people are generally deluded regarding the nature of other people's private lives, especially people who are fresh out of high school. Also, an illustration that people who are 18-22ish, for all that they try to claim a certain level of maturity, are still largely naive/innocent. It's kind of cute, aside from the blatantly superficial assessments of a stranger's character based on a few things they own.

It does make me wonder, though, how a version of that show featuring, say, 30-somethings would go. Woman finds condoms in man's room, is glad he practices safe sex. Man finds porn on woman's computer, gets excited...

The Difference Between a Keeper and a Throwback

Sometimes, while browsing profiles on the dating website, I feel like I'm at a freak show. For instance, I give you the following excerpt:

I'm looking for an attractive woman. (It's good you specified, 'cause otherwise, people would assume you're looking for an ugly one). Call me shallow (okay, you're shallow), but appearance is very important to me...

This coming from the guy who, you guessed it, has no profile photo of his own.

Before They're Flowers

I never really thought about sunflowers much until last spring. I decided I wanted flowers and bought a whole bunch of seed packets and planted them. The sunflowers were only one of two types of flowers that actually grew. Now I love them.

A Night at the Bar

On Friday night, I stopped by the bar where I used to work. I caught up on the latest gossip. Sadly, there was little, and talked to the people I worked with. Skunk and Dave were behind the bar when I got there and Skunk gave me a hug. I'm not a real hug-y person, especially not when it comes to guys, but Skunk's an exception. He's a tough looking guy, built big, facial hair, crooked front teeth, but a real teddy bear.

I asked Skunk if he knew of any good cocktails with Goldshlagger in them and, after conferring with Dave, they came up with an oatmeal cookie for me. It was quite good. Depending on where I am and if I know the bartender, I like to experiment. My friend Julia is my favorite bartender and she likes to try new cocktails, so I usually ask her to give me whatever she thinks I'll like. Of course, if I'm at a new place, I know better - there's nothing bartenders/servers like less than to have a complete stranger ask, "What do you think I'll like?"

So, I'm sitting there sipping my cocktail and working on my laptop and I chat with a couple regulars I used to serve. Laura, one of my favorite waitresses to work with before I left, is on the floor. Since it's slow, I chat with her too.

Me: So, what's the news?
Laura: Well, JP (a regular) has a girlfriend now.
Me: That's cool, maybe he'll stop mooning over Sally (another regular) now.
Laura: Ha! Fat chance.
Me: How about you? Got any news on the man friend front?
Laura: Dave and Skunk are men, and they're my friends. Does that count?
Me: Nope.
Laura: I got nothing, then. You?
Me: Not really. There was a guy I saw a couple times, but I just wasn't feeling it.
Laura: I know how that goes. There was this guy, a friend of a friend, and I was totally in love with him for the longest time. Then we went on an actual date, and it was awful.
Me: That sucks.
Laura: It sure does.

The Let Down

Me: Amanda, I have a problem.
Amanda: What? What's the matter?
Me: It's Comic Book Guy, I need to make him go away. I'm wasting his time otherwise.
Amanda: Okay.
Me: So, how do I do it?
Amanda: Well, what kind of "go away" do you want? Angry? Friendly? Final?
Me: That last one.
Amanda: All right, here's what you say.

Then I wrote an e-mail (in response to his last e-mail inviting me to a rodeo, because he's only ever cowboyed up to calling me once).

Hi Comic Book Guy,
Thanks for the invitation, but I'm going to have to decline. I've had a nice time getting to know you, but I don't feel the connection I was hoping for. Thanks for spending time with me.
-Jean

It's crap. It's all awkward and overly formal, but at least it's done.

Opening Night

I went to the opening of the little photo show tonight, and I wore a dress to it. It's a historic event, lemme tell ya, as the last time I wore a dress was about three years ago when I was a bridesmaid in a wedding and I wore the dress only as long as the ceremony lasted - by the time I was at the reception, I was back in pants.

Pre-show, I met up with my friend Deb to take photos for the website for a group we belong to. We hit the riverwalk and I have proof of my dress-wearing. Here's the "oil painting" version, which makes my eyes look like I'm possessed by a demon, a la Supernatural. But there you have it people, me in a dress.


The show reception was about what I expected, not a huge crowd and most of the people attending were members of the photo club. I liked being able to look at all the photos and say, "Oh, that's Don's photo. I know Don." That bit was cool.

The BB Problem

I feel like such a cliche.

Last week, I was talking to Amanda about my appointment with BB at the gym.
Amanda: Ooh, you like him.
Me: What?
Amanda: You're always talking about him.
Me: I just-
Amanda: Don't argue with me. You like him.

Okay, so maybe I do a little bit. And maybe, just maybe, he likes me a little bit, but I really can't tell for sure. Besides, I kind of don't want to know if he does, because it wasn't supposed to go that way. I'm doing my best to ignore the possibility, 'cause I get flustered otherwise. BB is just supposed to be the guy who shows me how to do different exercises, nothing else. It's better that way, all compartmentalized. (See? I get flustered about it, even just writing about it here.)

Amanda thinks I should ask him if he's ever been a gymnast. She had a good experience with a gymnast and a hot tub and, ahem, creative positioning. She says I should ask BB about flexibility. She says, "Did you tell him about the gallery show?" and "Are you dating him yet?"

*Sigh* Why couldn't my personal trainer have been the gal? Why couldn't BB be married, or in his fifties, or otherwise not appropriate? If only he'd make some offhand comment about his girlfriend, then I could stop thinking about it.

Website Guy #3

I'm starting to feel like I'm almost getting my money's worth out of the website. This week, I give you Radio Guy.

His profile's pretty short, but the part that caught my eye was his blurb under "occupation," where he says, "I have two jobs. One pays bills. One is my dream." I was intrigued. When we got to the Q&A, I asked him what the dream job was. Yup, radio. He was kinda poetic when he talked about it, too.

Still early-days, but I'm getting a good feeling about him. I like the creative impulse, and the willingness to pursue something for the love of it, not just the payout of it, and the groundedness to have the 2nd, bill-paying job.

Just got e-mail #1 from him, which is full of questions about things I mention in my profile - like my job, my hobbies, etc. I feel like I'm being researched, but in a nice way. He also scores points for the line at the end, "By the way, your intellect is quite interesting and very refreshing." Yay! He likes a girl with brains! And, well, I'm far from immune to a little bit of flattery.